Manning Up.

"The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word and the incorruptibility of his principles."

A Great post on his facebook page yesterday from Author Frank Peretti. (That guy who wrote a lot of great books and two others that were also rather good but weirded out a lot of Christendom.)

 It is good advice for any man (or woman) who wished to be a keeper of his word in marriage or anywhere else in life.  It is also relevant to politics and social issues and just about every other area where we face the challenge to do difficult things when an easy wrong is just as available as a hard right.  Read the whole article Here.  But this was the highlight for me.:

"It’s all about growing up.

First Corinthians 13:11: When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

So how does a child think?

The tooth ferry [sic], Santa, and the Easter Bunny will bring me stuff and I don’t have to work for it.
Bribery or tantrums will get me what I want.
I shouldn’t have to wait to get what I want.
I shouldn’t have to suffer pain or sorrow, which includes eating food I don’t like and doing my chores.
I should have as little responsibility as possible.
I don’t have to cut my own French toast, mom will do it
I don’t have to pick up my toys, mom will do it
I don’t have to clean my room, mom will do it.

And there are older, grown up kids who still think the same way.

First Corinthians 14:20: Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regards to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults."

Be whatever you resolve to be.
Mark

Real Ladies

"A Gentleman Never Discusses the merits or demerits of a lady." The Code

" A lady makes a man a gentleman, and a gentleman makes a woman a lady" Sister Mary Eileen

Today, via the wonders of social networking I was introduced to two outstanding ladies.  They are Madeleile McAulay, and Lolo Jones.  You can read more about them Here http://faithhopeandpolitics.com/ and Here http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/more-sports/track-star-lolo-jones-keeping-virginity-harder-training-olympics-article-1.1082882

I was impressed by both of these young women for their choices to publicly take a stand for something they believe in and for their willingness in doing so to suffer the wrath of those who would, rather than engaging in civil debate, subject them to mocking,vulgarity, and abuse for their stands.  Well for my part I want to give them honor for their stand.That is a very different thing than what the code refers to as discussing "the merits" of a lady . Discussing the merits (or demerits) can be anything from locker room talk to any dishonoring speech that attacks her as a person.

 In our modern age women are in the public and are engaged in the world of public opinion and politics.  As such they place themselves in a position, rightly so, I believe, of being heard as well as seen.  Gentlemen, and other ladies too, ought to engage them in civil and respectful debate that is honoring to their basic humanity and even more so their distinct worthiness as a lady.  Their ideas may be critiqued and corrected, debated and countered but their bodies, faces, or individual dignity are off limits if we are to be truly gentlemen (or ladies) as we engage them.  In other words If I can critique my fellow conservatives by way of example:  Nancy Pelosci's politics are fair game.  Her clothing, or appearance is out of bounds.

While a lady may not act like one it is never our business to treat her as anything else.  And likewise it is appropriate to give honor where it is due.  As my Middle School Principal, sister Mary Eileen taught us, Ladies can inspire us to be better Gentlemen.  Like Jack Nicholson's character in As Good as it Gets, "You make me want to be a better man." may be one of the highest compliments we can give a lady.  So as I am sure there are other ladies out there who may inspire us more than Miss McAulay, or Miss Jones, nevertheless I want to give them the honor that they are due.  Thank you ladies, for upholding virtue in the face of an unvirtuous world.  You have this aspiring gentleman's respect.

Be all you resolve to be.

Mark

Ordinary Heroes...Update

"He is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless and the champion of justice… or he is not a Gentleman."

Not much commentary today.  Just an update on the little girl I talked about in my last post, and a recognition that evil exists and that it is not only the duty of a gentleman to combat evil, but it may even be a divine calling for some to be the instrument of justice and the eradication of that evil.

Here is what my friend Shannon wrote:
"As a means of an update this what the little girl's arm looked like when she arrived at the Field Surgical Team....in this area boiling water on the arm or legs is a common thing to do to children."

The soldiers who do what they do are worthy of double honor not only in their "bearing the sword" against evil, but in their work as ministers of mercy in getting this little one to care that she would not have received otherwise.  

Be what you resolve to be,

Mark

Ordinary Heroes...

" He is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless and the champion of justice… "

 This photo:

Could inspire a lot of topics, humanitarian, patriotic, political or any number of other directions that are unrelated to the topic of this blog. Yet I am inspired to write on an often overused subject here, that of heroism. It would seem that the word "hero" gets two kinds of abuse: It gets elevated to the level of the extraordinary to a point where an ordinary man might never feel that he can measure up or do what it takes to be even remotely heroic, or, it is cheapened by overuse to where it is so mundane real heroes go unseen because their deeds are not eclipsed, but fail to truly shine noticeably due to the incessant flashbulbs of temporary glories that distract the attention and fill our minds and media screens with so many heroes that we cannot begin to consider each story or the merits of appellation "hero" in it.

Yet if we learned anything else in the past two weeks by the massive box office take of "The Avengers" is that we have an appetite for heroes. We love to see someone step up and overcome impossible odds to defeat an evil that we recognize not because of any particular creed or law we have accepted but by our visceral and innate reaction to it. We root for the underdog naturally and love to see him rise up and kick butt and take names. Now I have not watched the new film but I have watched several of the films leading up to it (the "Iron Man" movies, "The Incredible Hulk", and my favorite so far "Captain America"). I even subjected myself to a bit of teasing for my nerdiness (which I don't disavow, if it is charged for the right reasons) in identifying with Captain America. What I identify with in "Cap", I feel odd calling him that since I am not a true comic book geek, is the fact that, like me, he is an anachronism (as this blog, and the music playing while I write, is an example), and he, in his own words, "hates bullies".

Which brings me back to the picture. The photo comes from an officer in the United states Army and a classmate of mine from VMI. His description of the photo follows in the link to facebook where he shared it:

"This is a 3 year old girl. The Taliban dipped her arm in boiling water because her dad owed them. They laughed at him and his inability to protect his family. When we arrived her skin was dripping off and the arm was almost 3 times in size...so much so the knuckles split while we watched...I wonder where was the NY Times or the Washington Post or the LA Times? Where are the Blaine Wiltseys of the world to defend all that free press? Where were YOU when the Afghan Soldiers and Americans together braved IEDs and an ambush to get her to the doctors...and they all did it with a serious committed smile and a humor that only Soldiers know, no questions, just a Hoah or roger that or a get your kit on. This won't even be a footnote...a battle in a meaningless town...except those who were there...and obvious absence of those who will have all sorts of opinions...that's a real Soldier's eye view of Afghanistan."

The story is heroic for two reasons. First, the soldiers did what they did not for a strategic objective but for the intrinsically valuable life of a child not their own and second, the did what they did without credit. In the comments following the photo I noticed one very important thing to our discussion of heroes and gentlemen. My friend, when he is offered praise for his work defers that praise to the "30 Paratroopers and Afghans" who did "the work" as he calls it, though I'd say, and he'd never admit it, from his other pictures I've seen he does his share. But that's the point. There's no high fives, no victory laps. A Hero, a gentleman does what he does and defers praise and glory to others. This is what makes this kind of heroism what I would call "ordinary heroism", and the very best kind.

It is not so much that a hero is a gentleman but that a gentleman is a hero. He defends the weak and defenseless, with or without high-tech weapons or superpowers because it is in the ordinary course of doing the work, living life and doing the right thing because it is the right thing. The gentleman and ordinary hero does what he does and avoids thoughts of self-preservation or political expediency, comfort or convenience, whether in combat or in the office, confronted by a vicious enemy or a crying child. When "The Code" calls a gentleman "the descendant of the knight, the crusader...the defender of the defenseless and the champion of justice…" that is true of him in any setting and in any work.

I am grateful too for the extraordinary heroes whose courage begets courage, integrity begets integrity, honor begets honor, and who inspire ordinary men to be ordinary heroes.

Be what you resolve to be.

Mark

A "Real" Man.

A Gentleman...

…Does not mention names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost.

…Does not display his wealth, money, or possessions.

…Does not put his manners on and off, whether in the club or in a ballroom. He treats people with courtesy, no matter what their social position may be.

…Does not ‘lick the boots of those above’ nor ‘kick the face of those below’ him on the social ladder.

…Does not take advantage of another’s helplessness or ignorance and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him.

A Gentleman respects the reserves of others, but demands that others respect those which are his.

On another site, a facebook group of men, the simple statement was made, yet left unexplained, that a real man is a real man. While I cannot be sure what the author meant by this statement it made me think about the word "real" in the context of being a man. Particularly my thoughts brought me back to the Code and to the idea of reality being grounded in truth. Everything about the code of honor that a gentleman adheres to grounds him in Truth and with that grounding in truth comes a grounding in reality.

So a real man is real. He is not false. He is not something he is not nor does he attempt to appear to be something more than he is. That is not to say a man may not aspire to be more than he is at present for by the grace of God we may "be whatever [We} resolve to be." But, a real man, a gentleman does not make a display of his wealth or position. Dropping names,to show ones association with great men and women; discussing the cost of things whether to make a display of one's frugality as a virtue or of one's ability to possess the finer things, these make a man an attention seeker and not a gentleman who finds his value in himself and (one hopes) more so in humble association with his creator). Wealth, popularity, rank or position is merely an attribute or a resource or his platform at present and it is his to use according to the dictates of how his conscience responds to truth. It needs no display or ostentation. A gentleman does not grasp for the attention and admiration of others because he does not need their admiration to be the man he is.

This realness and comfort in ones position affects his relations to others as well. A gentleman is free to neither "suck up" to those above and does not fear the advancement of those presently beneath him. His integrity and good work suffice as does his clear conscience. From this position he can work for the benefit of those around him, teaching what he knows and sharing his resources as he believes he ought. He can speak the truth to power without fear, as it is not his place to be a "yes man" or to display any affinity for ideas or actions that are contrary to his understanding of what is true and good. He also is humble to admit mistakes and failings even in the area of misunderstanding or misinterpreting the truth and can display that humility before those above him and those under him in rank or position as well.

Finally, I want to address the subject of rank or position in general because it probably rubs against the sensibilities of many of us (and rightly so) when we hear talk of ones above us or beneath us. Really, life tends to place us on ladders whether we like it or not and while we may be "dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal", we often find ourselves in a position as a seeming inferior or superior to another. Being a real man, and a gentleman, grounded in truth overcomes this by making us accountable to the truth of our equality before our creator. Because of this we can be humbly real, respecting the reserves of others, not taking advantage of others disadvantages, and expecting the respect that comes with expecting the same from them. A gentleman can respond to the command to love one another (and even so far as he may have faith in Christ, to add Jesus' words "as I [Jesus] have loved you'), to love neighbor as he does himself, and to look out for the good of others. In short as I realized years ago watching Cadets and officers fawn over Flag Officers, and politicians as they visited, these too are just men. A gentleman is every man's equal seeking to keep no one beneath him on any of society's artificial ladders, and seek to elevate himself but never at the expense of his own dignity and worth or by dishonorable means.

Be what You resolve to be.
Mark

Where have all the cowboys gone?

From the Code:
"A Gentleman...
...Does not speak more than casually about his girlfriend.

...Does not go to a lady’s house if he is affected by alcohol. He is temperate in the use of alcohol.

...Does not hail a lady from a club window.

...A gentleman never discusses the merits or demerits of a lady."

I want to thank my friend and colleague Rev. Paul Becker for pointing out this article to me. He is a true gentleman in his own right and a well reasoned thinker and preacher. The article posits the question, Why are so many more women choosing a lesbian or bisexual orientation, and finishes with the hypothesis that perhaps it is because so many of the men in their lives are losers (creeps, cretins, fill in your favorite adjective). Read the article for yourself and realize that it is no conservative blog or Focus on the Family article, but Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sax-sex/201004/why-are-so-many-girls-lesbian-or-bisexualhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
The underlying hypothesis seems to be that pornography and the massive increase in it's acceptance has made boys and the men they become well...creepier, presenting young women and girls with a seemingly more wholesome alternative in relationships with other women who will love them like girlfriends rather than treat them like meat. Hard to argue with that logic.
Setting aside any discussion of morality for the moment, I tend to agree that It does seem that if the desire for intimacy is there in human beings, yet it is suppressed in males who separate sex from intimacy as the virtual and artificial world of porn does, then that desire will seek fulfillment from another quarter. Seriously men, the plain truth is you need to put down the magazines, shut off the computer and go be men. Learn something. Do something. Get a job for you own sake.
My advice to girls, originally given to my niece has been never even consider a guy unless he 1. Loves God, 2. Won't cheat on someone else to be with you, and 3. Has a Job or is at least working to be able to be gainfully employed. Why these three? If he truly loves God (not is just religious, there is a difference) then he'll love you because God says so. If he'll cheat on her he'll cheat on you. And if he's employed or employable you won't be working two or three jobs while he sits in your apartment on your couch playing your XBox all day. The problem for these girls though is they look at the goofballs around them and don't see anyone who fits that description. They don't see Gentlemen. They see boys gawking at their bodies and talking about how hot they are (or are not.)
Really men, I'm not here to argue that women become lesbians simply because guys are cretins, but manning up and offering women more than a sperm donor and baby-daddy might at least give ladies something to consider.

A Hard Sell

I realize the Idea of encouraging men to be gentlemen is a hard sell. Especially when we are already burdened with many "standards" to live by. The Code seems to be yet another impossible list to keep, like the ten commandments, an employer's or profession's code of ethics, or the unwritten and often conflicting expectations culture places on our manhood. Yet I don't see the Code as another list but a clarification of many of those lists we already struggle to keep. What makes us gentlemen may be the fact that we all attempt to live by some set of standards deeper than the immediate appetite that is grumbling to be satisfied. Much of our "Promise Keeping" to borrow a phrase from another men's movement, is done by something in our nature that drives us to live a certain way, act a certain way, and treat others a certain way.
In that, I want to encourage you, the reader, You are not burdened with another standard but instead honored for the standards you already keep, with the title, gentleman.

Be all you resolve to be.
Mark