A "Real" Man.

A Gentleman...

…Does not mention names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost.

…Does not display his wealth, money, or possessions.

…Does not put his manners on and off, whether in the club or in a ballroom. He treats people with courtesy, no matter what their social position may be.

…Does not ‘lick the boots of those above’ nor ‘kick the face of those below’ him on the social ladder.

…Does not take advantage of another’s helplessness or ignorance and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him.

A Gentleman respects the reserves of others, but demands that others respect those which are his.

On another site, a facebook group of men, the simple statement was made, yet left unexplained, that a real man is a real man. While I cannot be sure what the author meant by this statement it made me think about the word "real" in the context of being a man. Particularly my thoughts brought me back to the Code and to the idea of reality being grounded in truth. Everything about the code of honor that a gentleman adheres to grounds him in Truth and with that grounding in truth comes a grounding in reality.

So a real man is real. He is not false. He is not something he is not nor does he attempt to appear to be something more than he is. That is not to say a man may not aspire to be more than he is at present for by the grace of God we may "be whatever [We} resolve to be." But, a real man, a gentleman does not make a display of his wealth or position. Dropping names,to show ones association with great men and women; discussing the cost of things whether to make a display of one's frugality as a virtue or of one's ability to possess the finer things, these make a man an attention seeker and not a gentleman who finds his value in himself and (one hopes) more so in humble association with his creator). Wealth, popularity, rank or position is merely an attribute or a resource or his platform at present and it is his to use according to the dictates of how his conscience responds to truth. It needs no display or ostentation. A gentleman does not grasp for the attention and admiration of others because he does not need their admiration to be the man he is.

This realness and comfort in ones position affects his relations to others as well. A gentleman is free to neither "suck up" to those above and does not fear the advancement of those presently beneath him. His integrity and good work suffice as does his clear conscience. From this position he can work for the benefit of those around him, teaching what he knows and sharing his resources as he believes he ought. He can speak the truth to power without fear, as it is not his place to be a "yes man" or to display any affinity for ideas or actions that are contrary to his understanding of what is true and good. He also is humble to admit mistakes and failings even in the area of misunderstanding or misinterpreting the truth and can display that humility before those above him and those under him in rank or position as well.

Finally, I want to address the subject of rank or position in general because it probably rubs against the sensibilities of many of us (and rightly so) when we hear talk of ones above us or beneath us. Really, life tends to place us on ladders whether we like it or not and while we may be "dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal", we often find ourselves in a position as a seeming inferior or superior to another. Being a real man, and a gentleman, grounded in truth overcomes this by making us accountable to the truth of our equality before our creator. Because of this we can be humbly real, respecting the reserves of others, not taking advantage of others disadvantages, and expecting the respect that comes with expecting the same from them. A gentleman can respond to the command to love one another (and even so far as he may have faith in Christ, to add Jesus' words "as I [Jesus] have loved you'), to love neighbor as he does himself, and to look out for the good of others. In short as I realized years ago watching Cadets and officers fawn over Flag Officers, and politicians as they visited, these too are just men. A gentleman is every man's equal seeking to keep no one beneath him on any of society's artificial ladders, and seek to elevate himself but never at the expense of his own dignity and worth or by dishonorable means.

Be what You resolve to be.
Mark

Where have all the cowboys gone?

From the Code:
"A Gentleman...
...Does not speak more than casually about his girlfriend.

...Does not go to a lady’s house if he is affected by alcohol. He is temperate in the use of alcohol.

...Does not hail a lady from a club window.

...A gentleman never discusses the merits or demerits of a lady."

I want to thank my friend and colleague Rev. Paul Becker for pointing out this article to me. He is a true gentleman in his own right and a well reasoned thinker and preacher. The article posits the question, Why are so many more women choosing a lesbian or bisexual orientation, and finishes with the hypothesis that perhaps it is because so many of the men in their lives are losers (creeps, cretins, fill in your favorite adjective). Read the article for yourself and realize that it is no conservative blog or Focus on the Family article, but Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sax-sex/201004/why-are-so-many-girls-lesbian-or-bisexualhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
The underlying hypothesis seems to be that pornography and the massive increase in it's acceptance has made boys and the men they become well...creepier, presenting young women and girls with a seemingly more wholesome alternative in relationships with other women who will love them like girlfriends rather than treat them like meat. Hard to argue with that logic.
Setting aside any discussion of morality for the moment, I tend to agree that It does seem that if the desire for intimacy is there in human beings, yet it is suppressed in males who separate sex from intimacy as the virtual and artificial world of porn does, then that desire will seek fulfillment from another quarter. Seriously men, the plain truth is you need to put down the magazines, shut off the computer and go be men. Learn something. Do something. Get a job for you own sake.
My advice to girls, originally given to my niece has been never even consider a guy unless he 1. Loves God, 2. Won't cheat on someone else to be with you, and 3. Has a Job or is at least working to be able to be gainfully employed. Why these three? If he truly loves God (not is just religious, there is a difference) then he'll love you because God says so. If he'll cheat on her he'll cheat on you. And if he's employed or employable you won't be working two or three jobs while he sits in your apartment on your couch playing your XBox all day. The problem for these girls though is they look at the goofballs around them and don't see anyone who fits that description. They don't see Gentlemen. They see boys gawking at their bodies and talking about how hot they are (or are not.)
Really men, I'm not here to argue that women become lesbians simply because guys are cretins, but manning up and offering women more than a sperm donor and baby-daddy might at least give ladies something to consider.